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Right now, I feel ugly. And complicated. And stuck. Also sad. I feel depressed when I cry alone. I wish there was someone around when I cried. It's okay if they have nothing to say. All they need to do is listen to what I have to say. That's all I need. When I do get that, I am so very grateful. Nowadays, I don't care so much about how people perceive my actions. How I am judged or how people look at me isn't the most important thing. People I love should know. That I care. I'm happy to be home. Because at home, I'm loved no matter what. If my hair is uncombed and frizzy. If my clothes don't match. If I am grumpy and irritable. It's one of the best feelings in the world.

I want to be strong

I love babies. I want one. SO bad, you can't begin to imagine.

I want a little human being that is made of me and someone I love. Baby will be mine and mine only. Baby will look like me. Baby will have my features and will have my mannerisms. I will want to pinch Baby's cheeks, squeeze Baby tight, kiss Baby and dress Baby up in cute Baby clothes and what not. I will love Baby unconditionally.

Baby will grow up. Baby will have to experience life. Life is a rascal and it seems to be getting better at being that every passing day. Dirty things which we see around us. Money being chosen over lives and morals. Fame being chosen over faith. Looks over soul. Wrong over right.

Will I be strong enough to let Baby go through all that?

I'm a hundred....

...and I'm starting over!

I know I'm not anonymous anymore. I wanted to be just because I would be honest to myself. And so would others. To me. But being me shouldn't stop either of those. I'll try.

I've learned that if you want to make a change, you should go ahead and try.

I've learned that you shouldn't try too hard to make something what it isn't.

I've learned that what you see is not always what it is.

I've learned that if you need help, you have to ask for it.

I love my mom. I love my dad.