My experiments with the phone

Like Gandhiji experimented with the truth, I, divinediu will experiment with the phone.

I have two cell phones and three sim cards. I have sent upto 300 text messages a day. Not forwards. But text messages. I usually carry both my phones everywhere. I am simply unable to switch off my phone for no reason. My phone is an extension of my arm and low battery or weak signals alter my mood quite negatively.

I will not use a phone for a month. (Except on weekends when I'm home.) The sms rani is phoneless now.

I expect to experience withdrawal symptoms, mood swings and a lot more free time and sleep time. In my free time, I will read, exercise, meet up with people, introspect, pray, paint, sing, dance, show love and write.

I can be happy without a phone, can't  I?

(I got this photo from here)

I am pretty sure I'm going to miss getting good morning and good night texts the most.

A roach ate my ipod earphone wire

Yeah, it did. ARGH. I used it at 10pm and when I see at 6 am, all bitten. So pissing off!

I reread a couple of my previous blog posts. Decided to write again. See, Sushie..you didn't have to regret not commenting on my posts earlier because this made me post!

Holidays have begun. I think did pretty well this semester. Maybe because I liked my subjects. Maybe because I wanted to. Maybe because I didn't have much of a choice. The marks haven't come out yet. But they don't really matter. I'm happy with how I've worked.

But I do want to get more involved in college. Organize. Participate. I've volunteered for orientation. I hope I get selected. So I need to organize, prioritize and plan to fit more stuff into my schedule.

A LOT of things have happened since January 15th- the last time I blogged. A whole semester has gone by. (A whole semester without eating in the canteen BTW)

I've lost friends. Luckily for me, I've got them back. When a fight with Someone affects you much more than a fight with anyone, you realize that Someone is special. And you need Someone. Not for anything specific, just to be around. That happened to me. I tried everything. I tried pretending things were okay. I tried convincing myself that Someone wasn't a good person. I tried ignoring Someone. Nothing worked. Who was I fooling? It always ended the same way- with me in tears. Then...I got a chance. A brilliant chance. To make everything better. And I grabbed it. But just before me, Someone grabbed it. It made all the difference. To know that the feeling was mutual. In the end, everything did become better.

And some things haven't changed.

I still don't know how to put eyeliner.

I still love black nailpolish.

And I am still trying to knock off a couple of pounds.

Nothing is stagnant. Even the entropy of our universe constantly increases.

Time. It never comes back, does it? It just leave these tracks behind. Irrespective of whether you want it or not. Only change is constant in the larger scheme of things. I still haven't gotten used to the idea. Good or bad, the fact has to be accepted.

I spoke to my friend from school last night. We had real fun talking. The chemistry/gelling was very much there. But I realize that we can't spend as much time together as I want to.

We had classes in a different room yesterday. The board was green, there were five rows instead of four and the view was splendid. That was good, for a change.

But time changes you as well.

I remember some really stupid things I have done. I can't go back in time and change that. I wish I had acted more sensitive/caring/forgiving at times.
It is out of my hands now.

All I can hope for is for people to realize that I am different now and things, (un)surprisingly have changed. Also hope I am wise enough to realize when they change. I am really grateful to all those who stuck with me through thick and thin. Accepted my apologies, if I gave any, after the mistakes I had done. Parents and relatives do count in this, but not as much as friends do. Friends aren't obliged to stay in my life after I've bullshitted them, or make me feel better. Most do. I can't tell the ones who don't aren't my friends. They are just different. But I'm thankful for the ones who do. Because they are helping me change. For the better, so that I will be prepared, when times change.

This one is for you, bff. This is the least I could do for you.

I'm ready, already!!!!

Study holidays for my Board Exams started in January.
I wrote my last entrance exam on May 7 (Offfff course i remember the date!).
Was officially free after that. But I know how much I have been studying. So I can say I have had approximately 6 months of sitting at home.

I'm bored! Finally! I never thought there would come a day i would say this, but six months of sitting at home??? Not for me!! Of course there is the occasional movie, sleepover, outing, holiday, stuff like that... But I miss college life. The running around between classes, complaining about the lecturers, pestering buds for parties and treats, bunking classes, I'm getting pretty emotional typing this stuff out too!! There is only so much social networking one can do!! :P

I have nearly one more month left to go.. I'm waiting for my college to start.. The 3 hours of commute a day doesn't seem so harsh anymore!!

When I had my board exams relatives predicted this would happen- I'll get so sick of holidays that I'll pray for college to start. Well it happened, though not EXACTLY. I'm sick of sitting at home, not of holidays. Hence, college doesn't seem like a bad option anymore...
I'm pretty sure once the D-day approaches, I'm going to get cold feet and wish for it to be postponed. I'll probably regret that I haven't
read as many novels
or followed as many sitcoms
or watched as many movies
or slept as much
or personalized my running shoes
as i had planned
..........But you know what?..... It is okay.

I'm ready for that too. :)

My Third First :P

It's 2:15 am and i just decided to make my blog private. Well, i get excited real easy and i HAD to write something right away.

I'm going to be a new ME from today. Not totally though, I feel i'm really great in certain areas. That ain't gonna change! :D

Well, college starts in less than a month away, I have done exactly what i wanted to do these holidays - basically catch up on all the sleep I missed out on in the past few years. Well, it is two in the morning and i have set an alarm for 5:30 so i don't think i'm getting much sleep right now, but that's okay.

Since this is my first private entry, i've decided to talk about something that i have never spoken about earlier. Weight loss. I know it probably sounds corny but its true . :)

I've always been a chubby kid right from when I was a baby. But as i grew older, it started to put down my self esteem. I felt real low whenever i thought about my weight. I hated to come in front of a camera or a mirror. I really did. It was not like my friends were leaving me out or anything. They did not make fun of me. I still have the same bunch of friends even now. So its pretty great, I love them like crazy :)

Well, every thing has a breaking point- something that pushes you over the edge. Mine was when J cracked a pretty mean joke about me.I was in 11th grade.It was not in public or anything, we were texting each other and he said something- i really don't remember what it was right now. It was not hurtful as such. But it was just not the done thing to say.Well, that made me feel really bad. My friends are the closest to my heart. So if they hurt me, i really get upset. I just turned off my cell phone and went to bed weeping that night.

The next morning, i decided that there HAD to be some changes.

It started with the food. I controlled the size of my portions. I stopped ice cream and sweets. I don't know why but it was not hard to do at all. The hectic schedule in college helped. So did the rotten food available at the college canteen. I used to cycle nearly 10 kms a day - not for the exercise though. I used to walk, initially. But then I barely had time to spend at home and I wasn't allowed a vehicle so I got myself a cycle.

I got results. Not immediately, but eventually. My jeans started getting loose. People started noticing my weight loss- which really doesn't matter 'coz i was doing it for ME. to get my self esteem back.

Well, in this "new skin" , i probably look a lot different. I feel a bit better too. Not lots though, i got to admit. I really got to get my self esteem up higher 'coz i know what i feel inside is not right.

The good stuff is I get to wear sizes i never even imagined in my wildest dreams i could get into. Some of my clothes are actually "small"... LOL.. Most are mediums but yaay anyway! I have this really cute lil black shirt from victoria's secret that my aunt bought me from the US. No one has ever seen me wear that. I'm too shy .. :"> .. but when i wear that, i really do feel much better. I've also kept my fav tee from back when I hadn't lost weight yet. I got to bed wearing that sometimes. It gets me all emotional. *sniff*

Till date, i have dropped 45 pounds. (It sounds much more in pounds ;) ) I want to lose 5 kgs more (That should sound less coz that's a goal and it has to sound achievable to me :) ). That's just wishful thinking, though. Not to say I'm not going to try. I'm getting up at 5:30 tomorrow and going for a morning jog.

Coolness

There is this desire in most people to be "COOL"...

You should have a serious crush on the latest actor in Hollywood.. Know the songs of the newest albums by heart.. Update your favourite songs to the ones shown on VH1 that morning. You shouldn't be caught dead with your parents.. Or speak to the class geek for more than a minute.. The list goes on..

I am not at all like that. I don't feel left out. If my friends are discussing something that I don't know, I'm not ashamed to tell "I have no clue about what you gays are talking ". I can recognize only a few Hollywood actors and i know fewer English songs. They have totally given up on me on that front. I like the fact that they don't try to change me.

I am just that way. I always was.

Tashan. I loved the movie. I think all the critics disagree.
Words by Bee Gees. That's my favourite English song.
Old Hindi songs- I'm a fan!! कभी कभी मेरे दिल में ख़याल आता है .....
Hanging out with family. I love that. Family comes first. Any day. They are the ones who are truly there for us whenever, wherever.
I don't need a boyfriend. At least not now. Friends rock. I love being single. :D
I don't curse.
I still like SRK. Age has nothing to do with cuteness.
Atheist. I'm definitely not one. I believe that God does exist. Am spiritual, if not religious.

So what I am saying is... I am not willing to put on a facade and pretend to be someone else I am not just because a group will accept me. Some people are pretty used to that i guess- Reading the latest fashion magazines.. Following the trends- clothes, accessories- all that jazz.

I don't have a problem with anyone as long as they let me be who I am. Some people just feel insecure and left out. Others enjoy that. They really love those albums. They really ARE crazy about that latest Hollywood actor. To each their own.

If all were the same, the world would be boring. No one would have different opinions. There would be no debates. You wouldn't have stuff to argue about with your friends.

I'll end this post with a saying of Sri Sri Ravishankar-

Be with the opposites. Dance with them.

PS: I can't dance, but I can sure try!!

Ego or flexibility?

You had an opinion a few years back. You made a huge fuss about it. You are having second thoughts about it. Do you change? Or do you stick by your word, no matter what?


I was just thinking..


What is the right thing to do? I prefer change.
I hate the idea of having to make a decision that i won't change, if i can help it, that is.


For example- Having a kid. Once someone decides to have a baby and has one, they can't undo their decision. Its a permanent decision once the baby is born. Such decisions are not what I am talking about. These are like paths you can't go back on- I'm just talking about the general cases!


Other stuff. Like decisions on drinking, drugs, virginity, marriage.. Such stuff. Tough. I prefer to review the decisions i make rather than make one, stick by it forever. It doesn't mean i will change it ever so often. It just means that it is open to change.


Another example- A very common one. A person believes in arranged marriage. Let's make it a "he". Now this guy goes in for one. He is happy. He has children. They grow up. They do not believe in the whole arranged marriage thing. They want to go in for a love marriage. Now, he has always made it clear to other people that people who allowed their kids to go in for such marriages were irresponsible. Or those marriages never work out. Whatever- you get the idea. Just generally bad press on the other option. Now, getting back, his children want to opt for love marriages(for whatever reasons). The guy now has two options
1. To listen to what his children have to say. They are grown enough to make a decision after all. And it is their life.
2. Just turn a deaf ear to them. Totally disagree whatever they have to say. Say that respect in society is all that matters. And that he is not going to support them.


I'm not saying that you shouldn't stick by what you say. I'm just telling that it may not always be the right thing to do.


So.. Ego or flexibility?..


Flexibility. Definitely.



Chapter not closed


:)