Suljhi Hui Ladki

The most wonderful thing happened to me. I was having breakfast with Pixie. Pixie is a friend. Not a close friend. But more than an acquaintance. We have our placements tomorrow and we are trying for different companies. I was just telling her to be positive and that hard work reaps benefits in the end, no matter what. Suddenly, she became all quiet. With tears in her eyes, she said that she really enjoys talking to me.  She said that I was her role model. 

ROLE MODEL! ME! Eeeeee! Now, when she said that, I wanted to jump out of my chair and dance around for a bit. But then I smiled at Pixie and thanked her. She explained why she looked up to me. She said that I was a 'suljha hua girl'. Whenever things weren't going so good for her, she remembered me. She thought of how positive I was. How simple and happy I  made everything seem. That made her feel better and helped her deal with things.

I am so happy. I have always wanted to touch a few lives, influence a couple of people. I don't live for it, yes. But when it does happen, it feels great. Especially because it is so unexpected.

Placements are tomorrow and I will be posting about that next. Praying and wishing for the best, I sign of for now.

This post is dedicated to Shatabdi, for making me blog again.

Diu 2.0 - Week One

Okay, honestly, I did use my phone. To call my mum up. I mean come on! It isn't some kind  of punishment, is it? Plus my mum refused to call on my roommates' phones. She didn't want to inconvenience them because I wanted to do this crazy experiment!

But otherwise, my phone was switched off. Everyone is irritated (hehehe). They can't contact me or tell me stuff if it is urgent. Of course I do get the urge to text. I felt like a part of me was missing.With great restraint on my part, I did not dare to switch on my phone. Honestly, if my phone wasn't switched off, I really wouldn't have manged to not text.

I am really happy to say this-I have been reading! Reading!! Newspapers, Magazines, Novels! Now if I have to tell someone something, I have to go upto them and then say it. If I was unsure of how to phrase something, or if they were too far away, I wouldn't take the trouble. I would text them.Or call. So, that has been good.

Email! Letters! Diary! I've been writing! I like writing. Putting my thoughts down on paper.They make me have opinions. They sort things out in my head. They make life simple.

I've been HAPPY!! =)

Ellipse with a slice of cake

Thankyou NesQuarx!! =D Thankyou Vigneshwar. And sorry to Vigneshwar and Narendra.

Thanks to everyone who care for me. Wishing me on my birthday will make me happy, of course it will. A poem or a card or a gift (or all the three) will make me happy, yes. But thankyou for caring.

I love this process of growing up. It gives me more confidence. At the same time, it scares me. Looking at different perspectives on things..choosing the better of two evils. It hurts like hell sometimes. I wish everything was just happy and great and okay. But like would not be challenging then.

I did a LOT of screaming on my birthday. The doorbell rang and my three idiots are out, standing with a cake. They didn't know where I lived even! That was an AWESOME moment I had recently! Just AWESOME!!

Ellipse recently tried to commit suicide. Family problems. Work pressures. Ellipse is one of the smartest men alive. And I'm not exaggerating on that one. Which just goes to show how important family is. You need to have some sort of support system. I really feel bad for Ellipse. I can't even imagine what he was going through to take such a drastic step. We all consider suicide. All of us do. Escapism. It is the easiest way out. But it takes a LOT of guts to go through with it. What if it doesn't happen- like it happened to Ellipse? What if you don't die? You have another problem to worry about. You'll have to live with the humiliation. Maybe at that stage, you won't really care about what others think. I don't know. It just sends a chill down my spine.

As I was thinking...

Life is so interesting. You could make a movie out of it. I mean if you detach your emotions from your life for a while, it is pretty interesting.

Well, atleast mine is.

Lots of things have been happening.

I have meet people who I find interesting. I want to get to know them more. So much more. I have stopped classifying people as nice or not. Because a someone who is not so nice may not necessarily be rude. Everyone does something for a reason. So if you judge them, there is no guarantee that your judgement is right.

I am very happy with my friend circle now. My classmates are my friends as well. There's a difference. One that matters. We are all really grateful for each other. We're so glad we found one another. We have such an awesome bond. We said a 25 mnute goodbye over the weekend the other day. Which sometimes makes me wonder how our final goodbyes will be...

Experiences have taught me things. I'm not saying I won't make the same mistake again. But next time, I'll know if the mistake was worth the pain. Some memories leave scars. Hurtful ones. But again, that doesn't stop newer happier memories. Just because the old ones don't go away doesn't mean new ones shouldn't form.

Hardwork pays. Whatever said and done, it does. I hate talking about exams. When a couple of friends were talking about exams, I closed my ears and yelled at them to stop. I do that always. But then I realized that I was ostrich-ing. Just by not talking about exams, they wouldn't disappear!!

Random fact: I don't like the word fag.

BIRTHDAY- 1

New year.

It was good. ALWAYS.There were about two weeks of Christmas holidays. Plus my birthday comes within a week of new years. So from mid Dec to mid Jan, I'd be pretty much content and happy and high on happiness. Happy times.

But now, engineering. Weird timetables. There are EXAMS on new year and Xmas. I'm all tensed out. I am looking forward for days to pass by. I haven't made my list of resolutions, nor have I made my end-of-year nostalgic diary entry. Which totally sucks.

Now, as I was studying physics, I was thinking.
I cannot let my eighteenth pass by just like that. It is, after all, my EIGHTEENTH.

So, birthday party. Of course there were chocolates and treats and dinners. But I haven't had a cake cutting party since I was 10. That's eight years ago! (I KNOWWW)
Plus, there isn't school/college on my birthday. We're having holidays. Another first.
I want a party now. I'm excited. Very.

Any ideas? The group is going to be quite 'mixed' because I'm in pretty different circles. Any ideas? How to make it MORE fun than it is in my head right now??

Tell me. ASAP.

Coz I need to plan it out. It's practically gonna be JUST after exams.

*runs off to order cake*

Woo hoo!!!!!

I'm an addiction?
I'm addictable?

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On top of the world. :D

The happiest day of my life!!! :D

Well... some things just make ur day!!

However insignificant they may be to the rest of the world, in the end, you gotto live with yourself and what you think matters the most.. :)

I'll give every minute minute detail here- my memory sux and I just want to remember all the tiny things that happened today!! :)

Well.. most of the morning was normal stuff and in the afternoon, I had my mechanical workshop.. That, in other words was 4 hours of manual labor!! :(
The first five minutes was really fun and exciting for me.. Later, i just wanted to die!! :P
Filing metal blocks with a file with apparently no difference was kinda boring, frustrating and most of all- pointless!! After all that sweating, seeing like 5 grams of dust on the workshop table is NOT AT ALL satisfying, take it from me!!

After class, I was thirsty, lazy to walk to a cooler so I emptied 5 peoples water bottles.. I still am thirsty right now.. but that isn't important... :)

So so so... there we were on the bus- 120 of us in a 52 seater(that's right!!).. I was texting and listening to FM.. The gal sitting next to me was not much of a talker so i was drifting.....until a guy tapped my shoulder.

"Are you Divya?"
"Yeah. I am..." (I was realli confused coz i had never noticed him before and he knew my name! :P )
"Come on back.. We want to talk to you.."
"Fine!" (Frankly speaking, i was really excited.. my heart was pounding- but i WAS excited!!)
So i went on to the back of the bus- a whole load of seniors sitting around, looking eager as well- i was their first prey)
"Sit over here" said a guy in a blue shirt pointing toward a spare tyre..
"No thanks, i prefer standing"
"No you've GOT to sit there- those are the rules"
( I argued quite a bit with him- just for the fun of it and finally sat on my assigned seat)
"Give us an intro now.."
"Well okay (and i did that)... So what else?"
(I got asked a couple more questions which i answered..)
"Okay.. now we will introduce ourselves- name, year and branch.. You gotto remember and then repeat all of it.. If u forget any detail, u'll have to tell it twenty times..."
"nooooooooooooooooooooo.............."
(NO heed paid to that plea..)
And then it started.. "Hey, I'm Rohit..bla bla... I'm Naman.. bla bla..."
I am really bad at names.. REALLY.. So when 25 odd people introduced themselves, it did not help AT all...
So i was asked to go around the bus and find out their names- it was a TOTAL waste of time.. No one was helping, really, people were just giving me wrong names and i was being shuttled around..

Then the ragging was "officially DONE".. One senior got up and made me sit there (which was really sweet coz they could have asked me to continue sitting on that tyre) while he stood up for the rest of the journey... Then they asked me to do a couple more things- like tell the Bow Wow tables (I'm sure u know what that is).. Then they also asked me to pick a guy i found really cute and ask him his name..Yeah.. I wriggled out of that too..(can u imagine??? :P )

For the rest of the journey, i was in the back with them... :)
It felt nice. Really. Not that i expected otherwise.

But u just feel good when things go just the way u expected them to go.. Even a little better, maybe..

I wanted to be ragged.
I was.

I wanted to be friends with the seniors later.
I am now.

Plus- It made my day totally worthwhile!! :)

I'm eating my second bar of dark chocolate right now.
CAN LIFE GET ANY BETTER???

Totally looking forward to brag about the rag.. ;)

Friendship day

I wrote this poem for my BFF.. Sweetheart, you simply rock!!



Dear friend,
this is a thankyou.
For coming to my life,
For making memories,
For always being there.

I've had many friends,
although few this special.
But there was never ever
any competition.

It isn't the secrets we share
but the way we care,
That holds us dear.

I know it isn't easy to trust,
to let go,
but we are only insecure with
people we do not know.
I can tell u my fears
with no second thought.
Coz u always make me feel better,
You always help me out.

It sometimes is so bad,
that the world
just doesn't understand.
Thankyou
for being there.
I know i can come to you whenever
I need you

You left me alone
when I needed the space
When I spoke,
You listened to me.
Not just pretended to hear,
like the others.

There were fights along the way,
not many though.
Coz we both know life is too good

The goofy way we spend our time,
I loved every second of it-
the sleep overs,
the comic book recipes,
the pillow fights,
the phone calls were fun..
(u know which ones i mean)

I hope you realize
how much
you're worth.
I love you dear,
You mean so much to me.

We may not hug everyday
or say i love you.
But
"Idiot, I missed you,
You will be so dead
If u don't come over tomorrow
I have so much crap to share"
You know these words mean the same.

I dream of a day,
Many years down the line,
When we grow old,
When we do lame
(it wil be cool then)
things together.
Like complain in depth
about our joint aches
weird stuff like that
(I can't guess right now)
The memories will keep us together
Till the end
No doubt.

I don't know what the future holds
if we wil stay together or not
How stuff will turn out.
But whatever happens
Just remember
this good old friend of yours.

I will be there for you
Forever
and ever more.

My Third First :P

It's 2:15 am and i just decided to make my blog private. Well, i get excited real easy and i HAD to write something right away.

I'm going to be a new ME from today. Not totally though, I feel i'm really great in certain areas. That ain't gonna change! :D

Well, college starts in less than a month away, I have done exactly what i wanted to do these holidays - basically catch up on all the sleep I missed out on in the past few years. Well, it is two in the morning and i have set an alarm for 5:30 so i don't think i'm getting much sleep right now, but that's okay.

Since this is my first private entry, i've decided to talk about something that i have never spoken about earlier. Weight loss. I know it probably sounds corny but its true . :)

I've always been a chubby kid right from when I was a baby. But as i grew older, it started to put down my self esteem. I felt real low whenever i thought about my weight. I hated to come in front of a camera or a mirror. I really did. It was not like my friends were leaving me out or anything. They did not make fun of me. I still have the same bunch of friends even now. So its pretty great, I love them like crazy :)

Well, every thing has a breaking point- something that pushes you over the edge. Mine was when J cracked a pretty mean joke about me.I was in 11th grade.It was not in public or anything, we were texting each other and he said something- i really don't remember what it was right now. It was not hurtful as such. But it was just not the done thing to say.Well, that made me feel really bad. My friends are the closest to my heart. So if they hurt me, i really get upset. I just turned off my cell phone and went to bed weeping that night.

The next morning, i decided that there HAD to be some changes.

It started with the food. I controlled the size of my portions. I stopped ice cream and sweets. I don't know why but it was not hard to do at all. The hectic schedule in college helped. So did the rotten food available at the college canteen. I used to cycle nearly 10 kms a day - not for the exercise though. I used to walk, initially. But then I barely had time to spend at home and I wasn't allowed a vehicle so I got myself a cycle.

I got results. Not immediately, but eventually. My jeans started getting loose. People started noticing my weight loss- which really doesn't matter 'coz i was doing it for ME. to get my self esteem back.

Well, in this "new skin" , i probably look a lot different. I feel a bit better too. Not lots though, i got to admit. I really got to get my self esteem up higher 'coz i know what i feel inside is not right.

The good stuff is I get to wear sizes i never even imagined in my wildest dreams i could get into. Some of my clothes are actually "small"... LOL.. Most are mediums but yaay anyway! I have this really cute lil black shirt from victoria's secret that my aunt bought me from the US. No one has ever seen me wear that. I'm too shy .. :"> .. but when i wear that, i really do feel much better. I've also kept my fav tee from back when I hadn't lost weight yet. I got to bed wearing that sometimes. It gets me all emotional. *sniff*

Till date, i have dropped 45 pounds. (It sounds much more in pounds ;) ) I want to lose 5 kgs more (That should sound less coz that's a goal and it has to sound achievable to me :) ). That's just wishful thinking, though. Not to say I'm not going to try. I'm getting up at 5:30 tomorrow and going for a morning jog.

Perfect- MUCH more than what i prayed for ! :D

Do you have those days where everything goes just right- and a little better?? Well, i just had one today. :)
I'm feeling SO good.


Well.. It started out with the getting up.
Dad woke me up before my alarm went off. So i got up in time. I got dressed up.
I found the perfect tee.I hadn't picked out stuff last night coz my day didn't go that good.


SO anyways, we (Neethu and I - besties for 14 years now, people!! YAY!! :D ) even caught the bus!!! Have you known the joy of running after a bus and catching it? It makes you enjoy the ride even more!


So, we reached Udupi.
We saw a guy (whom we know) with his gf, he blushed, embarrassed.
We got on a bus which went to Mangalore- it was playing this lame kannada movie. :P
So next to me was sitting this girl.. I was looking at her cellphone- it was really sleek - she was texting a guy called manga (which is kannada for monkey).


We reached Mangalore, got tickets for Jaane Tu...Ya Jaane Na ...
I was dying to watch this movie.. There was a huge crowd, but we did get the tickets.. Wheee :) ....


So we roamed, went down some actual lanes and memory lanes simultaneously ;) ...


The movie was AWESOME.. I mean it!! I loved it!! I am a sucker for romantic movies.. This was friendship turn romance.. Comedy too.. Naseruddin Shah, Paresh Rawal.. Crazy college gang.. Cowboys.. Random awesome things!!


We also boughtt the popcorn tub tub that said

It's a long movie. I'm not cheap

... adorable!! :D


We returned after the movie.
The bus was good- fast, noiseless,.
Guess who sat with us again on the way back? The manga messager.. I dunno if the guy is her bro or bf... But it was really funny!! :)
Also on our bus were the same guy with his gf who we again got to embarrass.. hehe.. :)
And I was smiling to myself the whole way back..I get like really happy sometimes.. And this kinda irritated Neethu coz i was looking like a retard i guess :P ......


Back home, I had a nice dinner with my mum.
Then i had what my mum calls an idli bath.. Idli is a breakfast dish which is prepared by steaming.. I bathe with water which will scald me if it was a degree hotter.. I fog up everything in the bathroom :)... It relaxes me no end..
Had a heart to heart with dad(Love you dad!)..
Fixed up a plan with college friends for later this week..
Found my ATM card, didn't have to hunt for it! (I LOVE YOU MOM!! :D )
I'm blogging now! :)


I'm feeling great. Smelling nice :) .. Everything is perfect.I wouldn't know how much I loved my friends and family if it weren't for my enemies! I love my life!! :D And everyone in it! EVERYONE!!!... ! :) Thank you guys.. ALL OF YOU!! :D


xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox


Ahhhhhhh..... I'm just high.... On happiness :) .... better than any drug :)


PS: i really need to hug someone right now *sniff*